Crazy that this is my first entry, now almost two and a half months into base training, but procrastination has been a friend of mine for some time now. This comeback has been very difficult, and a lot of the variables are putting their toll on many aspects of my life. I am in constant battle with trimming down (I am not fat, but I am top heavy – basically I need to drop every once of undesirable weight, which may include muscle, that I can), which is oddly tough on the self-esteem. It crazy, because the better shape I get in, the harder I am on myself, and the less I like to look at myself in the mirror. It is fun to introspectively observe myself, and then try to make objective conclusions.

Training in particular is pretty heavy, sometimes I am having night sweats, which is kind of cool, the first time it happened I thought I wet the bed…lol. So did my wife, glad to know it was sweat… I think (I think I would be seriously over-training if I start to lose bladder control). Anyway, my mood seems to change a little too, I am extra sensitive, and irritable, which is odd for me. I know this is all part of the battle, but it compounded with the financial stresses of funding my own journey to the big games, and the stresses I am putting on my wife, is proving to be very difficult. I am really soul-searching, and hoping that what I am doing is worthwhile. I know that the sport of track and field needs something; I just hope that I am, ultimately, a part of that “something.”

I could talk and talk and talk about all the grandeur dreams I have as it relates to track, this website, my dreams… but right now I am kind of bummed out. I don’t have any real reason to be, but I am, and I need to accept it… cherish it… love it… Right now I am in a place where I am having troubles expressing what is going on inside of me, as my body changes, so too does my mind, and my ability to express it. I promise all my entries will not be so somber, and blue, but today is what it is, and that’s all it can be.

Struggling To Smile,

Jesse Lipscombe

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 1st, 2007 at 2:58 am and is filed under E-Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.